Due in large part to the pandemic, more people are reporting feeling overwhelmed or exhausted these days, and mental health conditions like anxiety and depression are on the rise. These struggles can take a toll on our relationships with partners, colleagues, family members, and even friends.

Friendships, especially close or best friendships, take time and effort. It’s certainly worth it, but if someone is struggling with their own mental health issues (such as anxiety or depression) or is simply feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by work, family, romantic relationships or problems, the friendship may have to take a break.

Even if we theoretically want to maintain our friendships, we may face a lack of energy or desire to socialize with others or even leave the house.

It’s common for people to get stuck in a vicious cycle of sadness and irritability, and therefore lack the energy to engage with others, further isolating themselves. When people experience increased depression and anxiety, it’s common for them to start avoiding friends. Many people avoid these friendships for so long that it becomes difficult to rekindle them, and they are often sadly lost, isolation increases, and the cycle continues.

This isolation can exacerbate these mental struggles and further erode self-confidence. Although society has made progress in eradicating mental health problems, many people still fear being judged by their friends.

People often fall into negative self-talk and may believe they are unworthy of caring friendships. They may start thinking, “I don’t deserve anyone to care about me,” or, “I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems,” or, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so broken and everyone else is?” Solidarity?” These negative thoughts make people feel unable to maintain friendships and less likely to engage with others.

Even when you feel exhausted and helpless, the reality is that you do have control and agency when it comes to friendships.

So how do people maintain these relationships when they feel overwhelmed or struggling with their mental health?Below, some advice shared by experts.

Be open about your struggles.

When you’re struggling with mental health issues, it’s often difficult to open up to others—even people you normally trust—about what’s going on in your life. You may even try to hide your anxiety or mental health issues from friends. But at some point, and probably before you feel completely comfortable doing so, it’s important to talk to a friend about your depression or fear.

Let your loved ones know what’s going on with you, especially if it starts to affect your friendships and cause you to withdraw.

If you’re experiencing depression or just feeling overwhelmed, let your friends know so they don’t mistake your absence for something else or insert their own explanation for why you’re away or have no contact. If they are left to their own devices without any explanation, they may interpret the meaning of things in an inaccurate way.

You don’t have to get into the specifics of mental health issues if you don’t want to. But let your friends know you’re having problems so they don’t take your withdrawal personally or as a sign of your friendship.

Everything will be so much better when we open up to each other, be more patient, and be kinder. It’s a matter of listening to each other and learning more about each other. Then as we work through these life issues together, we can build stronger, more lasting connections with each other.

Try to help them understand what you’re going through.

If you’re comfortable talking about your struggles, it can be helpful to describe to a friend exactly how you’re feeling. This may make them feel more capable of providing support.

Sit down face to face and explain it in terms so that others can understand what your brain and body are going through in certain situations. Maybe, give an example of a time when you were involved in something with them and how you felt when you hid your feelings from them.

If you suffer from panic attacks, describe what they feel like and what triggers them. If you’re dealing with depression, explain the lows you’re experiencing and how difficult it is to switch into “happy” mode, even when you’re doing things that should bring joy.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about your problem, you can even share a brochure, website, or other literature describing it with your friends.

Ask for judgment-free support.

One of the most effective antidotes for depression and anxiety is increasing social support.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and reach out to friends for support during difficult times. Vulnerability makes relationships stronger and more authentic because both parties acknowledge that it’s okay to not perform well and take comfort in knowing they’re not the only ones struggling.

The bottom line is, “Please be patient with me.” If you want, tell your friends that you have to focus on your mental health right now, so you hope they don’t feel like your friendship is being abandoned or neglected.

Make it clear that you want support, not judgment.

If you work really hard, but that’s all you have to do now, and a friend says that you “work too hard,” or “you take on too much,” those are judgmental. Unfortunately, these comments may do more harm than good. Even if your friend says something to you that you don’t want to hear, remind yourself that your friend cares about you and that she’s doing her best to cope with your current situation.

Let your friends know that you appreciate their support no matter what you are going through.

Communicate specific needs.

When we feel stretched, we must use our resources effectively, including our mental health. An important way to maintain friendships during difficult times is to proactively communicate and share your needs. This takes all the guesswork out of how to maintain a friendship and ensures you’re both investing in it in the right way.

It is recommended to ask yourself questions like this: “When you encounter difficulties, would you prefer a friend to care about you regularly, or would you like some space? Do you prefer text communication or phone communication? Do you prefer to communicate in the morning, afternoon, or evening?”

After you complete this exercise, make a habit of sharing your answers with your loved ones so they know how to best serve you.

I recommend being as specific as possible, for example, “I’m struggling with my mental health. Going for a walk together this week would be helpful” or, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Would you mind calling or texting me tomorrow to check in ?” You could also try, “Are you free to have breakfast with me on Sunday? It’s nice to see my friend.”

When asking a friend for help, the more specific the better. If you need a ride to your appointment on Friday, please tell them. If you just want to vent to a friend and are not asking for advice or input, tell them. If you expect them to call you more often than usual, communicate that as well. People want to know the best way to help so that they actually feel useful.

Communicating your needs also invites your friends to share theirs, strengthening the bond of your friendship.

Give yourself grace.

On particularly difficult days, allow yourself to relax. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t put extra pressure on yourself by being around other people.

It is recommended to avoid friends who are difficult to get along with under normal circumstances. When you do choose to socialize, try to focus on spending time with close, empathetic friends, and maybe a little less often than usual.

Try to maintain a regular schedule, diet and exercise. Find ways to reduce stress, perhaps by taking a long walk or hike, meditating, or focusing on a hobby.

Set boundaries.

In order to maintain friendships, you may try to stay “normal,” thereby minimizing your real experiences with mental health. You don’t set boundaries, so you might let people talk about things that trigger you, or invite you to places that make you uncomfortable or that you can’t handle at times. This will make things worse.

Instead of sacrificing your mental health, set healthy boundaries, respect them and communicate them to your friends. While showing this kind of vulnerability can be difficult, it gives your friend the opportunity to show up for you.

For many people, setting boundaries means making time for self-care and sometimes saying “no” to things.

Don’t worry about maintaining friendships during a period of mental health issues, because a close or best friend who truly cares about you will want you to take care of yourself first. If there’s an important event coming up, like a birthday party or a wedding, and you just don’t want to go, let your friends know that you can’t go because of what you’re going through, rather than attending ignoring the situation or looking like you don’t care.

Reach out in the future.

There may be times when you feel reluctant to respond to emails, texts, or phone calls—and times when you withdraw from almost all social interactions. During times like this, your friend may feel neglected. They might be confused about what’s going on—or they might just think you’re weird.

When you finally decide to reach out again, think carefully. Acknowledge that you’ve been in isolation for a while.

Understand that some of these friends may not be too keen on returning to your life. If they don’t know about your struggles, this might be a good time to share why you’re missing.

Take a friendship inventory.

When it comes to maintaining friendships, it’s not the number of friends that matters, but the quality of them.Just one or two trusted friends can change everything.

Friendships should feel supportive, which requires a safe and non-judgmental dynamic, especially when talking openly about mental health issues. Find friends who are willing to talk about your inner world and theirs.

It can be helpful for people to let go of unsupportive friendships. This can be difficult, especially for long-term friendships. I encourage people to surround themselves with friends who feel they can bring out their best selves, who can practice being vulnerable, and to help their friends do the same.

It is recommended to take stock of your friendships and choose to spend your valuable time and energy with those who make you feel supported, while minimizing the time you spend in friendships that are filled with stress and judgment. Ultimately, tried-and-true friends will understand and support you when you’re going through hard times.

If a friend doesn’t support you during this challenging time, that’s a test of friendship, and your friend didn’t pass the test. You may not want to end the friendship, but it may slip from the close or best category to the casual category.

Find the communication medium that feels best.

Today’s technology means we can connect with each other in countless different ways – from phone calls and voicemails to text messages and WhatsApp messages, to Instagram direct messages and online gaming chats, to email.

When you’re feeling frustrated and unmotivated to connect with your friends, I encourage you to first realize that reaching out doesn’t mean you need to be on the phone for 20 minutes or go out for drinks.

You can also admit that you haven’t been in touch for a while, but that this is because of your mental health issues and has nothing to do with your friend. This will help your friend develop a huge sense of empathy, and this act of vulnerability may improve your overall friendship.

Seek professional help.

While family and friends can provide support, they are not therapists, and you don’t want to overwhelm anyone who isn’t equipped to deal with serious issues. If feelings of depression and anxiety persist and are affecting your friendships, contact a mental health professional. A counselor may be able to provide you with tools and suggestions to better address your issues.

Finding a therapist can be daunting at first, but today, there are countless options to help you with your mental health. From in-person therapy to video therapy, phone calls, and text messages, there’s something for everyone. Although your friends can’t play the role of therapist, they may be able to help you connect with one.

If you don’t have a therapist and you’d like to find one, a recommendation might be appreciated if you have a friend who is currently seeing a therapist or has been particularly helpful in the past.