From the moment their children are born, many parents put their own needs aside without hesitation and devote themselves wholeheartedly to raising children. They sacrifice their sleep and rest time and work tirelessly to take care of their children; they put aside their hobbies and dreams just to give their children the best educational resources.

They firmly believe that no matter how much they pay, it is worth it for their children. However, they do not realize that when their lives lose focus and their sense of self-worth is lost, it will affect the healthy growth of their children.

Truly wise parents know how to take care of themselves first and take care of their own needs and feelings. Children can also draw energy from their parents’ attitude towards life and sense of happiness, and grow up in a safe and relaxed way.

Upward: Be a Beacon for Children Moving Forward

The famous American psychologist Bandura pointed out in his social learning theory that the main way for children to learn is to observe and imitate, especially imitating the behavior of their parents. Therefore, every word and deed of parents will have a subtle impact on their children. If they want their children’s behavior to change, parents must first set an example and guide their children with their own actions.

I have a friend, Xiaomei, who was originally a middle-level manager in a company. When her son faced the critical period of transitioning from elementary school to junior high school, she hesitated and decided to resign and return to her family.

However, her son’s words changed her mind: “Mom, you must never give up your pursuit of yourself. I like to see you energetic and shining when you work. This is my greatest pride and strength.”

Xiaomei suddenly realized: It turns out that what children need is not a mother who only knows how to sacrifice, but a positive and growing role model.

Children are a mirror of their parents, and parents are also a mirror of their children. If parents lie on the sofa all day playing with their mobile phones, children will naturally not know how to be diligent and motivated; on the contrary, when parents work hard and be proactive, children will see this and become more responsible and missionary.

Therefore, truly wise parents understand that to educate their children, they must first educate themselves; secondly, they must educate themselves. To influence children, you must first improve yourself.

If You Are Not Happy, How Can Your Child Be Happy?

In the Korean drama “There Will Be Morning in the Psychiatric Ward”, Kwon Joo Young is a working mother. To take care of her family, she worked hard but neglected her physical and mental health. Long-term overwork and stress caused her to suffer from depression.

When the doctor asked her if she had been to a barber shop in the past six months and if she had a day to herself, Quan Zhuying choked up. It turns out that she had already forgotten how to love herself and only knew how to give mechanically.

Another protagonist, Park Soo-yeon, also faces the same dilemma. As the head nurse of the hospital, she has always been known for her perfectionism, but just when she was trying her best to balance her family and work, the tremendous pressure almost caused her to collapse.

The stories of these two mothers vividly illustrate the truth: if parents want to give their children a sunny life, they must first embrace the sunshine themselves. It is difficult for a parent who is depressed and lacks self-worth to create a positive family atmosphere for his children.

Psychologists point out that only by satisfying one’s own needs can a person satisfy the needs of others. Parents who sacrifice themselves too much often fail to give their children true and healthy love.

A similar idea appears in the “overflow theory”, which states that water only overflows when the cup is full. Only when parents’ own happiness is overflowing, can this positive energy be passed on to their children and nourish their hearts.

Therefore, smart parents know how to take care of their own happiness. They will put down their heavy housework and work at the appropriate time, give themselves a short vacation, and do something to relax.

This happiness will be like sunshine, warming the whole family. Children can also feel more secure and belong in such an environment full of love and happiness.

As stated in the book “The Secret of Positive Parenting”: “A happy mother is the best educational resource for her children. When the mother feels satisfied and happy, the child will also feel safe and happy inside.”

Balance: How to Preserve Space and Distance?

Of course, taking care of yourself does not mean only caring about yourself and ignoring your children. The key is to find a balance between space and distance. In this regard, here are some suggestions for parents to refer to:

• First, arrange your time reasonably. Set aside some time for yourself every day. You can learn a new skill, find a hobby, or simply meditate quietly to give yourself some breathing room.
• Second, express your needs. When you feel exhausted physically and mentally, don’t suffer in silence, learn to ask your family for help. For example, asking your children to share some housework within their capabilities can not only reduce your burden but also cultivate your children’s sense of responsibility; or if something makes you very angry, you can express: “I am very angry now and need to calm down.” This will allow children to understand other people’s feelings and learn to think altruistically.
• Third, enjoy the happiness of the moment. Don’t always focus on your child’s shortcomings, learn to appreciate his strengths and progress, often share your happiness with your child, and create beautiful memories together.
• Fourth, accept imperfection. No one can be a perfect parent all the time. Learn to forgive your shortcomings and face the uncertainties in education with a peaceful mind.

Conclusion

Dear parents, I understand that your love for your children is the greatest and most selfless love in the world. But while giving care to your children, please don’t forget to be kind to yourself.

Your happiness and happiness should not come 100% from your children. I hope you can be happy just because you are who you are.