What is “aggression”? In psychology, aggression is like a person’s vitality. Freud said that if a person is unable to live out his or her aggression, psychological problems will arise. So, what kind of person suppresses his “aggression”? The most intuitive thing is that he has a pleasant personality.

Let’s take a look, what are the most obvious traits of a “pleasant personality”? You don’t even need to think about it carefully, some pictures will appear in your mind. People with a please-pleaser personality often give people the impression that they have no independent opinions, are easy to talk to, have no temper, and appear to have no vitality at all.

Even if you clearly feel his dissatisfaction, you won’t worry about him losing his temper, giving people a feeling of being easy to handle. In life, people always appear to be very cautious in relationships. These are manifestations of a person suppressing his own “aggression”.

If You Suppress Aggression for a Long Time, Your Vitality and Vitality Will Wither

The British psychoanalyst Winnicott believed that vitality and the feeling of being truly alive are closely related to aggression. But many people just lack this vitality in their lives.

For example, some people are always in a “decadent” feeling of powerlessness and have no interest in anything. If you encounter some blows, you will fall into learned helplessness, feeling that your life is over, that you can’t break through the predicament, and that you can’t regain a good mood to live. They often suffer from low self-esteem, dare not be themselves, and have many behaviors that are used to please the outside world.

And I can’t keep my boundaries, because I don’t dare to ask for anything, I don’t dare to say no, and I always feel aggrieved inside. But if a person always suppresses his aggression, then slowly his vitality and vitality will wither, and the whole person will become depressed and unhappy.

Winnicott believed that aggression represents vitality. It is evidence of life. It is the innate driving force of us humans. It needs to be reasonably expressed and released before its vitality and vitality will be enhanced. And if the “aggression” of the vitality of this masterpiece is always suppressed and suppressed, it will turn inward and turn into self-attack.

Infant Spontaneity Is Aggression

Winnicott said that the spontaneity of babies is aggression. Most common among many babies, initial unintentional aggression, such as eating, biting, kicking, throwing, etc., is caused by spontaneous energy.

Moreover, when the baby attacked the mother and used it casually, the mother did not reject it. She still stood there steadily, did not punish herself, and did not collapse herself. The baby will perceive that the outside world is safe, controllable, and well-intentioned. There is no need to worry about destroying the outside world or being retaliated against by the outside world after freely extending its energy.

When this perception is confirmed, children can maintain their vigorous vitality and accept real setbacks from the outside world.

However, many people lose this spontaneity as they grow up, and become timid and afraid to show their true selves to the outside world. They are afraid of being disliked and retaliated. As a result, they gradually end up living in a way that they hate.

So, how can we regain our “aggression” and regain our vitality and vitality?

Go Live Your True Self Bit by Bit

The most common manifestation of people who are used to suppressing their “aggression” is tolerating it and constantly ignoring their feelings.

If you want to live your true self, you must first learn to “love yourself” and see yourself. Only when you start to connect with yourself will you see your flaws and shortcomings. Then you can pay attention to your feelings, cherish your life, and live out the youth that deserves to bloom.

To borrow the words of the poet Rumi, “You were born with wings, so why do you have to crawl forward all your life, like an insect or an ant.” Your life could have been like an eagle, soaring freely in the sky.

Therefore, you only have one life, and you must live according to your heart. Therefore, we must learn to establish a feeling that our feelings are greater than everything else, and no longer ignore our feelings and pay the price for other people’s lives.

When you can truly love yourself, an energy will arise in your heart, a power that belongs only to you, and it will lead you to a freer and more comfortable life.

Try to Bring a Little Edge to Your Relationship

People who are used to suppressing their feelings will make you feel very bored when getting along with them. Because they never express their needs, they can do anything. They don’t show how happy they are when they like, and they don’t say it outright when they hate. As time goes by, they will be marginalized in the relationship.

And this is also a common manifestation of suppressed “aggression”. They dare not express their feelings. Even if their interests are harmed, they will hold back and like to play the good guy.

These performances are equivalent to castrating one’s own needs, accumulating all anger and unwillingness in one’s own body, becoming a kind of self-attack.

If you want to get rid of this self-internal relationship model, you need to appropriately release your “aggression” in the relationship and make yourself a little sharper. Only by finding a reasonable release point for your likes and dislikes can you live your true self. When you no longer please, all your dealings with others depend on your own feelings, and your vitality will slowly be recalled.

Conclusion

Of course, regaining “aggression” and regaining one’s vitality and vitality will not be achieved overnight because you have become accustomed to suppressing it and hiding it.

But this does not mean that you will continue to sink. Change requires a process, and everything can come in time.

So next time you want to suppress yourself and compromise to please the outside world, you can try to pause for a moment and ask yourself, do you like it? Do you want to? Do you want to respect your feelings?

Every time you seek inward, you are awakening your “aggression”. When you listen to yourself enough times, they will be internalized into a kind of energy, allowing you to truly release it. Please be brave, everyone is the center of the universe. You only have one life, and you must and should live your true self.